Being Human at Work – How to Deal With Emotions in the Workplace — Lionesses of Africa

by Anja van Beek 

Conscious Living, Leadership, Wellbeing

Emotions and the workplace don’t always mix well, but they can if you learn how to deal with them. “It is not the fittest that survive but the ones that can best adapt to their environment,” writes Charles Darwin in The Origin of Species. Over the last few months, we have heard many insights and tips on being more agile and adaptive at work. But what about emotion in the workplace? How do we navigate emotions when we feel overwhelmed by the changes and expectations in the hybrid world of work? Think about emotional agility, consider how emotional agile you are and consider ways to increase this.

What is emotional agility?

Susan David’s coined the term emotional agility. It is defined as “an individual’s ability to experience their thoughts, emotions and events in a way that doesn’t drive them in negative ways, but instead encourages them to reveal the best of themselves”. Another way to describe it is “a process that enables us to navigate life’s twists and turns with self-acceptance, clear-sightedness, and an open mind”.

This means that we are mindfully aware and can answer these four points in every moment: what am I observing? what am I thinking? what am I feeling? and what do I need and require in this moment? By answering and being clear on these four questions, it will support you to move from reaction to consciously respond in a way that is more human while building stronger relationships and getting better results.

Many of my clients are asking how they can navigate situations where team members display emotional lows at work. They don’t feel equipped to handle this, and also experience this themselves.

What to do when my team member gets emotional?

Firstly, in a situation where a colleague is emotional, resist the temptation to give advice, try to solve the problem, or fix it. Instead, acknowledge their emotions by saying, “l see you are upset.” Create a moment and allow space without judgement for them to share what they are experiencing. If you can remain curious in the conversation, it sends a message that what they are sharing is important. This also contributes to creating an environment where people can (safely) express their emotions. It is important to remind yourself that your non-verbal cues and what your body language communicates are both critical for this person to feel safe and heard. At the end of the discussion, show appreciation and thank the colleague for trusting you and sharing their feelings.

How can we epitomize emotional agility? 

Here are two tips to strengthen your emotional agility:

• Firstly, it’s all about the words we use. A practical tip is simply to change your words from “I’m lonely,” to “I notice that I’m feeling lonely.” Separating yourself from the emotion and acknowledging it for what it is, is an important step in recognising, understanding and managing your emotions.

• Secondly, the concept of emotional numbing. Brene Brown describes this as any activity that you use to numb your feelings so that you don’t experience vulnerability. Her research found that there is no such thing as selective emotional numbing. In life, there is a full spectrum of human emotions and when we numb the dark, we numb the light.

As the ultimate optimist, I had to learn to face (and feel) my pain and hurt to fully experience joy and love.

What to do when you are triggered at work?

When identifying emotions, go beyond the six universal emotions of anger, fear, joy, surprise, disgust and sadness. Use the emotional wheel (provided below) to identify and increase your emotional granularity. Instead of being angry at your manager because he/she interrupted you – for the third time when you are speaking – you may identify feeling frustrated or annoyed at their behaviour.