It Feels Dark and Scary! — Lionesses of Africa

by Nontobeko Mbuyane

This week I had a heart to heart conversation with my younger daughter. Such conversations are usually deep and it’s from them that I get to ascertain so many things about her such as her feelings, how she perceives things and a whole lot that is going on in our lives. So, we had to engage since she will be going back to school where she stays. During our talk she mentioned how the world feels so dark and scary, she feels that generally the world is broken, we are broken and we all need healing. 

This she said, according to her, is a result of the recent events worldwide, they are terrifying and sad. She alluded to the political unrest in the country, stated issues about what is going on in Afghanistan, Covid-19 as a global health challenge, and a whole lot of things going on across the globe. Indeed, this cold and dark time is a challenge for many, she said. I realized that there is so much truth in what she was saying, some of us feel every little thing. We feel everyone’s pain. We are empaths who care for every person and the whole world. 

As I later took time to ponder on our conversation, I couldn’t help but notice how many people on my Facebook timeline had lost their loved ones, lost jobs, had their businesses shut down. I also for a moment felt how hopeless it feels. And I know for sure that most people relate to my daughter’s state, where you feel like you can’t solve everyone’s problems. But you want and wish to. And if you don’t, you feel the pain of being a failure. So, I had to nurse her and her big heart into understanding that at this point being kind to herself and showing love to the next person surely matters and means a lot during such a time. It is not about what she can physically do or resources that matter all the time but rather acts of kindness go a long way too.

Broken Parts

I know so many people are also battling with trying to figure out how they can nurture hopefulness in these uncertain days? I would say to you try kindness and empathy.  If someone does something that hurts us, we can tend to believe that they are all bad and we distance ourselves from them. But do try and understand that they might be going through a tough time too and hence their behavior. I know it’s tough to recognize someone’s humanity in these situations, but we need to if we are going to keep our hope alive. People often spread hate or act selfishly when they are hurt. They are feeling a deep, broken part of themselves and trying to compensate by making others feel bad too.  I am not saying that their behavior should be tolerated. They should absolutely be held accountable for their behavior. At the same time, they are human and are still valuable. Remind yourself that they are people, too, and probably feeling deep pain. I feel hope when I remember this. The world is not full of evil people but hurt people who need love. 

Recognizing the humanity of others is a beautiful challenge for us to work on. This is an ongoing, lifelong practice. Respond with love when you can. Everyone seems exhausted these days. The weight of the world is on all of our shoulders. Whether it’s due to collective or personal struggles, people may be a little more irritable or impatient with you. Try your best to respond with kindness. It’s not about you. Someone may be acting immaturely or being a little rude, but if you can, try to let it go. Visualize their insults rolling off you, like water off a duck’s back. Or use a technique I learned from a book, Radical Acceptance – just recognize that they are trying to pass their bad mood to you, and kindly say “no, thank you.” Do not accept their gift. I usually feel better if I have responded to something in a caring way. Of course, we don’t always react as our best selves. You might be the one who is acting a bit rude sometimes, so try to respond to yourself with love about that too.

Someone

My late grandmother used to say, “Don’t say someone should do that. Be a someone.” Action can help fight our lack of motivation and hope. If you find yourself thinking that someone should do something, try asking yourself: What can I do? You can start small and very simply. I love how reading books has equipped me with so many ways of handling life and its challenges, and this has made me one of the bubbliest, most grateful, and happy people you can ever meet. That does not mean I don’t have serious life challenges, but I am fully aware of how my reaction to these challenges will either make me or break me. So I always choose anything that makes me a better person in life, thus my calm reactions to storms. I have my all time power verse, Joshua 1:9 as my first line of armor in everything I come across, and of course a quote by Picasso that says, “Everything you can imagine is real.” When I am losing my hope, this reminds me that the world I want to live in, the one I can imagine is real. It can be real because we create our world. 

It’s empowering to recognize the magic we have within us that no one can take away. There is something inside you that no one can take away and you will always have. Remind yourself of your inherent value and hold on to your magic. Everything you can imagine is real and possible. There are so many people working to build a kinder and more loving world. I recognize their magic and I affirm that magic in myself. As I finished my heart to heart with my daughter, I said, Baby girl, indeed the world is dark and scary but only you have the power within you to make it a little bit brighter….And so can you!