by Brigette Mashile 

A few years ago, I told my friends I would never have a live-in nanny in my house, and it made sense then. I didn’t need a live-in nanny! We had a lady who came in once every 2 weeks to do our laundry, which eventually became every week as I got busier.  Also, the laundry became the entire house very fast, because honestly, I don’t want to wash dishes after stitching dresses and having fittings with different clients.

When my daughter was born, I was keen on spending the first months with her, alone. Error number one!  The assumption is that we need a nanny for the baby, I can confirm today that I NEEDED A NANNY! My head kept telling me I needed my mother, well in retrospect I realize today that I needed a NANNY.  I needed all the things that I believed to be my responsibility done by someone else. I wanted to just sit with my child and do nothing. This is how we got our first nanny.  We asked the lady who was coming in weekly to stay in! I was nervous about this but there was simply no other way.

I knew from the first day that she was not staying long. She was young and I expected her to have other prospects; and I was ok with it. My daughter was tiny when she started as a nanny and only 3 months when she left.  By luck it was December, and I decided to go home to my president nanny, MY MOTHER. Staying home was amazing because I didn’t have to do any housework at all.  But I was still a mom, and that was new to get used to; in my parents’ home. So, rest was still far away. I should’ve taken the nanny with me!

Upon returning to Johannesburg, I started the process of finding a new nanny. By nature, I take things lightly at the beginning because I have nothing to expect nor to compare to. So, I went in. We found a nanny; she lasted a week! LOL! Might have been my anxiety or high expectations, but one sight of her force feeding my child and she had to go. I did question her about it, you know, a chance to explain or whatever; she insisted that was the way to go. So, she had to go. And so, it was on to the next lady.

By this time, I was very overwhelmed by the realization of how much work it really is to keep a nanny.  The next lady was such a breeze, I still miss her today.  She was kind, soft and easy to be around.  This helped a lot as she needed to fit into our home and our lives. We are really easy going but that might be challenging for others. I was sure that this lady would stay with us for a while, until I started hearing a pattern in her domestic matters.  After 2 months or so, she needed to move back home to be with her children. The irony! 

And again. Again, we needed to find another lady to come in. In this period, life was changing, work was starting to pick up and I needed a good support system.  My daughter was also starting to be very busy, touching everything and pulling anything.  I was simply no longer able to keep her still and work.  So, we urgently found another lady as soon as possible.  I will not tell you much about her, as she lasted a month.  There was no major unrest or disagreements, she had to go as her husband insisted, she be home every day.  I guess we ALL need a NANNY!

After this I expressed how exhausted I was to all who were ready to listen.  I was exhausted beyond exhaustion.  I was tired of the different energies moving in and out of our home, the getting familiar with a person and then letting them go, but most of all my daughter having to let go of so many faces.  That part made me very angry.  My friends took it upon themselves to find our next help, and they did, and I can confirm she is the best thus far.  Only because she lasted close to 6 months! But alas, she is also gone. Sadly so, we are still mourning her absence.

I want to tell you I know why this is happening, I have tried to look for a pattern so I can pinpoint the problem. I have assessed my behaviour and our offer to these ladies many times, to no success.  I was told ‘this is normal’.  What? Everyone goes through this? Whyyyyy? People have told me they tried until they decided to take their kids to school rather. I wish, but also don’t wish.  My daughter is only 2 next week. And as much as I want her independent, I want to hold on as long as I can. 

I write this long piece because I simply cannot run my business without a NANNY! I have never pretended I could. I actually cannot do anything without the assistance of another when it comes to doing day to day needs of a home, a daughter, and any type of work/leisure.  It is October, a big season in fashion. We are fairly busy compared to July; a good nanny is ever so important.  We are on our…. ah I stopped counting how many nannies we have tried! But I now know it could get to 20 really.  Especially since I now also want nanny, for me. LOL.